is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
