my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
