apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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