Your mouth is God's brothel.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
