I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
