Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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