She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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