Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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