im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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