sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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