He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
