im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
