Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
