you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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