My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
