You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
