how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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