that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
