i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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