yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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