The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
