It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
