I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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