You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
