Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
