So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
