He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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