I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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