he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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