It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
