Sponge bath it is.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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