I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
