i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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