I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
