Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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