my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
