Your tits are I can't wait for
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
