Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Success! We fucked roommates!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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