Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
