best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
