So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
