she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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