Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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