i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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