Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
