Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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