You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
