my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
