i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
