Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
