one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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