FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
