That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
