if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
