Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
